This skin of mine

Prompt: December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

self portrait

Honestly, I’ve always loved to take photos of myself but I really got into self-documenting after I graduated from law school and was living on my own. In my mind, that period is linked with rebuilding and finding myself after living my 20s trying to please others and to win their affirmation rather than really thinking about what I wanted and living with identified purposes and direction.

The photo, taken in June 2010, shows a joyous me – assured, fearless, and not fretting over obstacles – and it’s andy-warholish-pop-arty, which I really like. I’m not always this way, but it is a representation of the woman I have grown into and the best that I can be at times, that I can feel at at times, as me – not just as a friend, colleague, mother, wife, sister, daughter – but as me, alone and with God, in joy and in confidence.

After 10 years, I’ve grown into this skin, am more confident than I was in my 20s, more assured in faith, my own identity, my abilities, and in my sense of belonging in community and family.

The certainty isn’t constant – it comes and goes through the weeks – and for the rest of the time I try to learn and relearn to listen to the inner instinct or Holy Spirit or intuition that prompts me to run after the best.